The Wild World of Real Estate and Business: 2023 Edition
A Rundown of the Top News Stories
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1. “Exoplanet Realty Plummets: Martian Market Suddenly Saturated”
Fear not, earthlings. Your mortgage rates aren’t looking nearly as disastrous as those poor misguided folks who invested heavily in Martian real estate. Comparatively, having a few potholes and bad weather seems like something to cherish.
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2. “Monopoly Money Accepted: Board Game Enthusiast Buys House with Game Cash”
It appears Monopoly isn’t just a rage-inducing game of family fun, it’s a futures market! A resourceful Monopoly enthusiast leveraged his vast collection of brightly colored paper money to snag a real home. Unfortunately, the importance of reading between the lines was forgotten: “property” referred to a dollhouse.
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3. “Reverse Aging Startup Takes Silicon Valley by Storm”
A company claiming to reverse aging with a secret cocktail of antioxidants and organic turmeric shots has taken Silicon Valley by storm. We can only imagine the dismay when middle-aged tech moguls realize they now have to relive their embarrassing teenage years.
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4. “Subprime Lenders Return with a Vengeance: Underwater Mortgages Make a Splash”
Ghosts from the past were reawakened this year when lenders started approving high-risk loans again. Just when we had finally forgotten, the term ‘underwater mortgage’ returned like an unwanted sequel: ‘Jaws… Something Something Subprime.’
Your Daily Dose of Sarcasm: The Hot Take
In retrospect, 2023 was the wildest year in the realm of real estate and business. And to think, some suggested that technology would make things more predictable, ha!
Who would’ve guessed that the Martian real estate bubble would burst so soon? If only we’d been betting against it like that Big Short guy. One minute you’re a groundbreaking pioneer setting up camp on a new planet, the next you’re stuck with 50 acres of martian dust that’s depreciating faster than a used spacecraft.
Apparently, playing Monopoly turned lucrative, with game money now eligible for real estate transactions. Here’s to all the kids out there with stored wealth under the bed mascarading as Park Place. Just remember: paper houses and plastic hotels aren’t quite as good when you can’t actually fit in them.
And to the Silicon Valley folks hoping to gulp their way back to the glory days of youth via antioxidant smoothies, remember that time travel doesn’t exactly differentiate between good and bad memories. Enjoy braces, acne, and teenage awkwardness all over again!
Finally, those scare-inducing words ‘underwater mortgage’ are back and they’re all the rage. It seems the industry looked at some parts of last decade and said, “yup, we need more of THAT.” Who needs horror movies when we have subprime lending?
Well there you have it folks, whether you’re buying property on Mars, trading Monopoly money for a new place, guzzling antioxidant drinks, or watching the ghosts of economic past return, one thing is certain: 2023 wasn’t a year to escape without at least a chuckle, a gasp, and maybe even a facepalm or two.
Original article: https://www.inman.com/2023/12/31/and-the-biggest-news-of-2023-is-inmans-top-10-stories-of-the-year/
